Many of you have asked for an update or wanted to check in with us. There's not much new to report: Michael's vitals are solid and he is in good spirits. However, his mental status continues to be a challenge. His short term memory is in rough shape and he tends to fill in those voids with stuff that did not happen. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to have the ability to have in depth conversations...needless to say, this can be difficult to accept. And again, we have no time-line for this whole situation.
My parents are phenomenal: they stay with him and watch over him, ensuring he sleeps well, eats, etc. We will continue to not have outside visits, and we appreciate your understanding this.
One request...a close friend of Michael's suggested we gather stories from you, of your good times, trips and moments with him. Please share with me my via email or comment section of this blog. I'd like to eventually gather those stories for our family. There's a lot we know about Michael, and a lot we probably don't!
Thank you for your continued love and support...enjoy your day!
February 28, 2020
February 22, 2020
Visits "suspended" for time being
After approximately 2 weeks of our new reality, my family has realized that visits to see Michael are pretty overwhelming and taxing on him (and us). Please know how much these visits have been appreciated and no one visit in particular was "bad", it's just that the burden of scheduling and hoping people stick to their requests, has been a lot on us.
Michael has changed quite a bit and he doesn’t have the same mental capacity that people may remember, which has caused us to have to manage visitors’ expectations. We all know Michael and we know who he was, but that's the thing, he has changed, most notably, mentally. Needless to say, that has been difficult for some to witness. Physically, Michael tires very easily and some days after scheduling a visit, we’ve realized after, maybe we should’ve canceled.
Michael has changed quite a bit and he doesn’t have the same mental capacity that people may remember, which has caused us to have to manage visitors’ expectations. We all know Michael and we know who he was, but that's the thing, he has changed, most notably, mentally. Needless to say, that has been difficult for some to witness. Physically, Michael tires very easily and some days after scheduling a visit, we’ve realized after, maybe we should’ve canceled.
I will admit, I feel crappy as here I was offering visits to you all. Our intent was to have as many people who wanted to, to see him. But honestly, it’s just too much right now.
As Andy B. told me, there is no playbook for this (shit, if there's one out there, I'll buy it, because this really, really sucks). We are learning day by day and only doing what we think is in the best interest of Michael and our well-being. We hope you will understand our decision at this point. We hope to get to a point where we can accommodate visit requests again.
We continue to thank you and feel grateful for you and your support.
As Andy B. told me, there is no playbook for this (shit, if there's one out there, I'll buy it, because this really, really sucks). We are learning day by day and only doing what we think is in the best interest of Michael and our well-being. We hope you will understand our decision at this point. We hope to get to a point where we can accommodate visit requests again.
We continue to thank you and feel grateful for you and your support.
February 20, 2020
Hey all...my family is settling into our new routine. Keeping an eye on Michael, or "M" as I refer to him (he always liked James Bond flicks...no silly, it's not for his resemblance to Judy Dench!)
M is doing A-OK. Physically, pretty damn good with solid vitals. He is a bit unsteady on his feet occasionally and has lost some weight. Head-game...well, his short term memory can be a challenge, and he may "flare up" once in a while. But all in all, he's doing well...he knows us all and has that wonderful laugh of his.
I want to tell you how amazing my Mom and Dad are. I don't know the feelings they must have, but I do know how strong they are for M, me and this situation. They keep an eye on him, make sure he wakes up ok, prepare him for his day's guest, make sure he eats well, and get him into bed at a normal hour. For them, I am FOREVER grateful.
M has had someone every day who takes time out of their own lives to stop by, take him out, have a meal with him, go for a walk, etc. That is so wonderful for him (and us). He has had some great times with you all. It gives my folks a break and lets you have some time with him.
I'll say it again: THANK YOU. If you are reading this, you are thinking about Michael and that is such a good feeling for my family. This may get harder and we know you'll be sticking right by our sides...
M is doing A-OK. Physically, pretty damn good with solid vitals. He is a bit unsteady on his feet occasionally and has lost some weight. Head-game...well, his short term memory can be a challenge, and he may "flare up" once in a while. But all in all, he's doing well...he knows us all and has that wonderful laugh of his.
I want to tell you how amazing my Mom and Dad are. I don't know the feelings they must have, but I do know how strong they are for M, me and this situation. They keep an eye on him, make sure he wakes up ok, prepare him for his day's guest, make sure he eats well, and get him into bed at a normal hour. For them, I am FOREVER grateful.
M has had someone every day who takes time out of their own lives to stop by, take him out, have a meal with him, go for a walk, etc. That is so wonderful for him (and us). He has had some great times with you all. It gives my folks a break and lets you have some time with him.
I'll say it again: THANK YOU. If you are reading this, you are thinking about Michael and that is such a good feeling for my family. This may get harder and we know you'll be sticking right by our sides...
February 13, 2020
Rather than continually email you (AKA, "the world-wide Michael Whyte network"), unless it's real serious news, I've fired up the blog that we created in 2008 to keep you in the know. You can follow the blog by entering your email on the upper right corner and you'll get a notification when we post an update or just check in here every few days, if that is your preference.
Michael has been off treatment for well over a week now and he is doing well. His hospice nurse, Mike was very pleased with him physically. Michael's vitals are excellent and he's sleeping like a champ. Eating...well, Mom is keeping tabs on him and making sure he gets his vitamins. His mental game is where we've seen the most change. Michael's focus can be off sometimes and his short-term memory isn't always the best, especially at night.
Needless to say, this situation has changed our daily routines. My parents have been amazing, as have all our family members, who have helped to keep an eye on M and give us some company or a break when needed.
If you are considering a visit, we've somewhat limited Michael's social calendar to mid-morning/lunch time. The earlier you have some dates that work for you, the better and please let me (T.J.) know. Last minute "requests" are more difficult for my family to accommodate; we generally prefer that you take him out, if possible. When you do visit him, we have a few things that you'll need to keep in mind, too. We hope you'll understand, knowing that we will do our best to get you some time with him.
As you may imagine, this isn't easy. This has been very difficult for me to watch and accept, even after 11 years of Michael fighting this thing. But my family is strong...because of our faith, love for each other and because of YOU...the network of wonderful friends and family who have reached out over the last few weeks...who take a minute out of your own lives to think about Michael, who pray for him, and who send a nice text or note. For those reasons, we are even stronger and we thank you...
Michael has been off treatment for well over a week now and he is doing well. His hospice nurse, Mike was very pleased with him physically. Michael's vitals are excellent and he's sleeping like a champ. Eating...well, Mom is keeping tabs on him and making sure he gets his vitamins. His mental game is where we've seen the most change. Michael's focus can be off sometimes and his short-term memory isn't always the best, especially at night.
Needless to say, this situation has changed our daily routines. My parents have been amazing, as have all our family members, who have helped to keep an eye on M and give us some company or a break when needed.
If you are considering a visit, we've somewhat limited Michael's social calendar to mid-morning/lunch time. The earlier you have some dates that work for you, the better and please let me (T.J.) know. Last minute "requests" are more difficult for my family to accommodate; we generally prefer that you take him out, if possible. When you do visit him, we have a few things that you'll need to keep in mind, too. We hope you'll understand, knowing that we will do our best to get you some time with him.
As you may imagine, this isn't easy. This has been very difficult for me to watch and accept, even after 11 years of Michael fighting this thing. But my family is strong...because of our faith, love for each other and because of YOU...the network of wonderful friends and family who have reached out over the last few weeks...who take a minute out of your own lives to think about Michael, who pray for him, and who send a nice text or note. For those reasons, we are even stronger and we thank you...
February 11, 2020
Initially, after T.J.'s first email detailing Michael's recent decision to stop treatment, our family expected to host a steady stream of visitors in and out to see our boy. However, we've realized that logistically it's not that easy...we've found that Michael needs a lot of rest...so we've had to re-think things.
As of now, mom, dad and T.J. are keeping our eyes on him, with the support of close family. We hope you understand that we are only doing what is best for Michael.
As of now, mom, dad and T.J. are keeping our eyes on him, with the support of close family. We hope you understand that we are only doing what is best for Michael.
Today was a good day. We met Michael's hospice nurse (another Mike!), who was happy to meet our Michael. Mike was happy with Michael's appearance, demeanor and vital signs and Mike will continue to visit once/twice a week. Michael ate well and overall, he had a solid day with a few naps (or 2 or 3!) Mike explained that this is normal and he had no time-line at this point.
We know A LOT of you want to stop by and say hello and visit Michael. As much as we want him to see everyone, we also know that Michael needs to rest well, eat properly and remain isolated from a lot of germs, etc.
We love you all and cannot thank you enough for your thoughts, prayers, text messages, and other forms of correspondence and love. If we don't get right back to you, please know those good vibes don't go unnoticed.
-- T.J.
We love you all and cannot thank you enough for your thoughts, prayers, text messages, and other forms of correspondence and love. If we don't get right back to you, please know those good vibes don't go unnoticed.
-- T.J.
February 8, 2020
2020 Update
Last evening 2/7/20, we met with Michael’s oncology team, headed by Dr. Jacqueline Stone, at Memorial Sloan Kettering. After much discussion, Michael decided to cease treatment and focus on his mental/physical health going forward. My parents and I fully support and respect Michael's decision, because we know that he is not giving up…he proudly said “I’m still (expletive) here!”
So, what’s next? We will be speaking with MSK hospice care about starting to have a team come by my parents’ house (where Michael resides) and check in on him. As time passes, that care will get more focused and intensive. The goal is keep Michael comfortable, while also lessening the burden on my wonderful mother and father.
We have no specific timeline, but we were told that the next few weeks to few months may get challenging. Please also know that in Dr. Stone’s experience this path (hopefully) will be one without a lot of pain and discomfort for our boy.
Please know that my family truly appreciates you: we know that you all have your own lives and responsibilities, but your thoughts and prayers for us are truly appreciated. The number of supports (world-wide!) that my brother has is truly amazing. This isn’t over...he’s “still f'n here!"
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